Blog Rebirth
I’m going to try and start blogging again. Let’s see how it goes.
The other night I was going through some of my old stuff on here and *cringing* so much. I’m cringing a little bit writing this now. For someone who spends their life making “electronic communications”, I don’t feel that my “e-voice” is really me. I don’t feel like what I am writing is who I am, I especially feel that what I have written is not who I am.
Which leads me to a number of possible conclusions:
- I still haven’t truly “found myself” as my blog URL would suggest.
- I am a multi-faceted person.
- I’ve changed.
I haven’t had much time for self-reflection over the past year. In fact, I haven’t had much time for anything. I think that some form of reflection is essential, and blogging is the one that I have chosen.
Since finishing Uni I spent a few months doing nothing but pretending to be looking for a job. Somehow I managed to find one and my life ran away since then. I worked in theatre from October till around April this year. In February this year I took another job with a virtual worlds company. I carried on at the theatre as a freelance artist from April till… well, still doing it now… I took on more freelance work with the virtual world… at one point I was working 14 hours a day minimum every day of the week. But somewhere along the line my employer, Justine, at the virtual world company stopped paying my invoices. I went on holiday beginning of October this year, and while there had some kind of epiphany moment (probably because I had done nothing but work since around June) and decided to jack it all in… which I did promptly upon getting back to England.
So I’m in an interesting “dazed” place… wondering where the last 8 months went, what I do next, who I am, what’s even important in life.
I’m still at the theatre and Justine would talk me back… but she has confessed that money is tight. Currently she has a team of volunteers and interns doing my job and the place is falling apart. I don’t know if I give a shit. I was fine working for free and trying to push the business forward while I still thought there was a chance of it ever being successful… but I can’t see it anymore.
I’ve realised that my time and my youth are precious. I used to actually go out and do what I wanted, when I wanted, and “live for the moment” (a phrase that grates on me!) and I don’t when it was that I became so work-obsessed. That’s the only thing I do know… I am obsessive, compulsive, addictive… so wherever I go next I’ll be in it way over my head as usual.
Let’s see if I can keep this blogging up and discover who I really am.
